The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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