No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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