if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
