dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
