why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
