I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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