she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
