why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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