I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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