My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
