He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
