porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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