And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
