I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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