He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Found the puke drawer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
