dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
