Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This baby is an asshole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
