dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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