Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
