I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
