Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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