My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
