I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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