i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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