it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
