i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
