ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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