I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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