I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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