I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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