Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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