im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
