he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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