i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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