She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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