question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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