GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
