I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
