At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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