i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
