Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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