He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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