Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
