My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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