he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
