just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
