break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
