Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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