one might say we're banned from that church
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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