my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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