so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
