My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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