just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
