all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
