morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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