i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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