Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
