i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize