i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
