I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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