Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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