there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
as a side note pls kill me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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