just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this just has baby written all over it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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