How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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