Non-Jews are for practice
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
