Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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