Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
