Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
