dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
4 words: hood of his car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
