College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
