I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
